Covid-19 has shown us what deep down we know but pretend isn’t true. Our best laid plans, our dreams and goals, they can be extinguished in a day.

No entry yesterday because Paddy’s day was cancelled along with all our plans, ambitions and designs. The current reality of social distancing and self isolation has meant doing nothing is the new dynamism. I am trying my best not to be content. My son rang up worried about college and work: “What can you do kid?”

My Mum rang up worried about brake-pipes on her car: “What can you do?” I could worry about my job, my rent and the gym being closed but sure, what can I do?

Right now all of us are getting an enforced lesson in acceptance. I’m good at “f*** it.” For someone as lazy as me it’s OK, I am trying to feel anxious like everyone else, I promise I am. With nothing to do and a good excuse for not doing it I’m not feeling anything at all. I wonder if I would enjoy a stretch in prison? I suppose I ought to apologise for the inappropriately glib tone of this piece in these dark times but it’s a journal, it’s how I feel right now, these are my feelings, how I cope, what can I do?

Unusually, I find myself worried about the economy. Not for me, what difference will a depression make to somebody who owns nothing? I rather enjoyed the last recession. I never fully managed to recover my Celtic Tiger work ethic. I’m toying with the idea of taking up weed again to chill my way through the post Corona downtown if I find myself on the dole again . Why I am truly concerned for is people who rely on healthcare. I have this awkward notion that another round of austerity years brought on by this strange juncture in history will kill more elderly and vulnerable souls than the virus itself. Do we have statistics for the last recession?

Leo gave a rousing speech.  Someone might have mentioned that quoting Churchill was a little passe. I’m glad he mentioned the shop staff and hauliers though. Perhaps he reads my Facebook. He said that we will tell our grandchildren about the year Paddy’s day was canceled due to this virus. I suspect they will have more pressing concerns as treatment resistant malaria, ancient unknown pathogens released from melted ice caps, and new and bothersome STD’s spread via Tinder, plague a warmer Earth. I think the Covid-19 response is good practice for times ahead. We could do worse than extend the global shutdown until we have figured out renewables, we are a here and now kind of folk though with weekend city breaks to resume.

Nothing to report from a firefighting perspective. Today’s Irish Examiner reported 999 calls are down. 112 works too if you want to show solidarity with the EU and don’t forget your eircode! Bare patches always make me anxious. Too much time to think about the next call. Eventually, I end up staring  at the alerter hoping it doesn’t go off. I wonder do my colleagues  feel the same?  Probably not, they’re braver than me.

Measures have been put in place. We are to don our fire kits in different parts of the station. Minimum crews are to travel in the maximum number of vehicles, to keep  two meters apart in the cabs – cue a new wave of fat jokes. Disinfectants and breathing masks are ready. It’s going to be awkward but we will do our best.

Covid-19 has shown us what deep down we know but pretend isn’t true. We are not in control. Our best laid plans, our dreams and goals, they can be extinguished in a day. I wonder, is humanity learning the freedom of throwing its hands up in the air and saying “what can you do?” And when you think about it long enough the answer will come to you. So hopefully you’ll figure out your own.